


love in the age of the internet

by keptein



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Gaming, Identity Porn, M/M, Video & Computer Games, meet online
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 08:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9171757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keptein/pseuds/keptein
Summary: Bokuto Koutarou had one goal in university: to be cool.Well, two goals: be cool and win volleyball.Well, three goals,technically:be cool, win volleyball, and get his D&D character to level 10.Though there were four goals he would probably say if someone asked him in a Zone of Truth or something: be cool, win volleyball, get his D&D character to level 10, and get a boyfriend.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ryonello](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryonello/gifts).



> did you guys know that the name 'overwatch' comes from the military tactic of the same name, which is to support another unit by providing covering fire from a vantage point? i sure didn't. anyway, MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS, RHONNIE! i was your secret santa & i'm so sorry this is late, it got away from me (as you can maybe tell). i hope you still enjoy these nerds being nerds. you asked for something chaotic good, and i've been listening to a lot of d&d podcasts lately, so... you're the one at fault here, really. (still, i really hope you enjoy this! i think you're absolutely fabulous, and i hope 2017 brings you many good things!)

Bokuto Koutarou had one goal in university: to be cool.

Well, two goals: be cool and win volleyball.

Well, three goals, _technically:_ be cool, win volleyball, and get his D&D character to level 10.

Though there were four goals he would probably say if someone asked him in a Zone of Truth or something: be cool, win volleyball, get his D&D character to level 10, and get a boyfriend.

However, only two of these goals were compatible. People could deal with a cool athlete, easily. A nerdy athlete? That was more on-the-nose. A _gay,_ nerdy athlete? Koutarou could already imagine the empty rows at the matches he’d play in, if they ever let a gay nerd become a regular.

So, to conclude, like in those fancy essays Koutarou’s philosophy courses made him write: he couldn’t be a gay, nerdy athlete. In fact, because Toudai’s volleyball team still scared the shit out of him, and because he was determined to be taken more seriously than he was at Fukurodani, there was only one thing he could do: be cool and win volleyball.

And his three selves - the gay self, the nerd self and the athlete self - could never, ever meet.

*

Koutarou’s phone pinged.

The subway car was full of people, none of whom were talking.

_Ping._ Koutarou’s phone went off for the second time.

The lady next to him looked up, confused, before she went back to her book.

_Ping._ Koutarou’s phone went off again. _Ping, ping, ping, ping -_

He wrenched his backpack open and pulled his phone out, opening Discord. **stop @ing me!!!!!** he wrote. **ill b home soon!!!!**

**The session was meant to start 10 mins ago** , DogsForDays replied. **U should plan better**

Koutarou let out a frustrated groan, turning his phone on silent and shoving it back into his bag. It wasn’t his fault practice had run late - he wasn’t used to being among the ones who had to stay and clean up, and he still needed to make sure he made a really good impression. He couldn’t say that to DogsForDays, though, just like he couldn’t tell the other first years that hey, he had to leave because his Dungeons & Dragons group was expecting him.

Koutarou watched impatiently as buildings and cement zipped past. He didn’t want to keep the group waiting - they’d worked hard to carve out a two-hour time slot every other week, and it was one of the best things in Koutarou’s month. If he was twenty minutes late, they might not get to a new stretch in the campaign, and everyone would log off feeling disappointed.

As soon as the subway stopped on his station, he pushed his way out of the train and bolted towards his house, throwing out a quick “I’m home!” to his parents before he ran to his room, opened Discord on his laptop and put his headset on. “I’m here,” he said into the group chat, still a little breathless. “I’m really sorry.”

“Finally,” DFD said with a sigh. “What took you so long, John?”

“I had to stay after class,” Koutarou said vaguely. “You know how it is. Anyway, let’s start! I’ve got Roll20 up already!”

“Everyone does,” Katiana said. Her battle tag was Katiana#98921, and her character, a level 7 tiefling rogue, was also called Katiana.

“So then let’s play! I wanna blast some werewolves!”

DFD cleared his throat, demanding silence. “Now, just to remind everyone where we left off…”

The session passed quickly, as usual. Rune, Koutarou’s awesome elf mage character, got to cast some really cool level 8 spells, even though Char insisted it was ill-advised to use his spell slots so haphazardly. Malar clearly didn’t know anything about being cool, and besides - Koutarou wasn’t a complete noob either, he knew how to play D&D.

“I have a friend,” Katiana started as they were wrapping up the session, adding EXP points to their character sheets. “I’ve already talked to DFD about it. He really wants to get in on D&D, but he doesn’t have anyone to play with, so I said he could join us.”

Koutarou frowned, speaking into the mic. “A newbie? I don’t want deadweight in my party.”

“He’s read up,” Katiana said. “He’s rolled a character and everything.”

“I don’t mind,” said Hastings#2335, aka Hoggard, their level 8 human fighter.

“Me neither,” said SnowyOwo#43434, aka Malar, their level 8 half-elf druid. Koutarou sighed loudly, not caring that he probably made the audio spark for everyone else.

“Like I told Katiana privately, there’s a natural jumping on point soon,” DFD said. He always sounded like he was reading from a book. It made him a great DM, but kind of boring and weird to talk to outside kayfabe (as Koutarou liked to call their in-game personas). “So if he can join us in two weeks, we’ll set him up.”

“Great!” Katiana audibly beamed. "I'll make sure he's free."

"Awesome," Koutarou grumbled. "Some rando that we'll have to show the ropes. I'm not baby-sitting anyone."

"You couldn't, you _are_ a baby," Katiana said, sighing. "Give him a chance! You'll like him."

"I definitely won't," Koutarou said.

*

He definitely didn't. The next session, Katiana had introduced Blackcat#12842, who brought his level 1 female barbarian orc named Sweatlana to the session.

"Sweatlana?" Koutarou had said. "Seriously?"

"It's her name," Blackcat had replied innocently. "I looked at fantasy generators, because I couldn't come up with anything good."

Koutarou huffed, ignoring that an orc character named Sweatlana was hilarious. "Clearly not, _Blackcat."_

"Sorry, JohnDarksoul - you're right, you're clearly much more inventive than me."

"It's a good game!"

"Guys," DFD said firmly. "So, Blackcat, I'll just set the scene before your character enters..."

"Are we not doing introductions?" Blackcat asked.

"We're a battle tag only-group," Koutarou said quickly. "Or character names. Katiana's easy, hers is the same."

"I like the name," Katiana said, not particularly defensive. "It's a good name."

"Okay... just Discord names or character names," Blackcat said. "I get it."

"John's big on anonymity," Snowy said.

"It's just easier to keep things separate! Don't you agree?"

"Yeah," she said. "Let's start playing now, please."

DFD cleared his throat again. "Rune, Hoggard and Malar - you three are stumbling out of a cave, momentarily blinded by the light of the sun as you see Katiana..."

*

**i dfinitely didnt like him,**  Koutarou told Snowy later. He was half-doing his homework and half-chatting with her, itching to finish his Japanese essay so he could reward himself with some Overwatch.

**why not? i thought he was pretty funny**

**he was a dick!!!**

**ur a dick** , Snowy wrote, and then sent **:)** before Koutarou had time to get mad. **and u know we need a barbarian**

**we have hoggard to tank!**

**john... just give him a chance ok? its nice with a new person and he knew pretty much everything**

**i h8 change >:(**

**i know... hows ur essay?**

Koutarou looked at the half a page he'd written, sighing. **slow** , he replied. **gna give up 4 the night n go play ovw**

**ok :)** , Snowy wrote. **i might join u after dinner**

**please do!!!!!!**

Koutarou clicked away from Discord and opened Battle.net, cracking his fingers and connecting his mouse before he opened Overwatch.

The queue wasn't that long, and it only took half a minute until he was waiting for a game to start, automatically picking McCree. _No defensive heroes,_ the menu told him insistently, but he ignored it. He wanted to shoot people, not run around and throw shields or whatever it was the defensive heroes did. No, Koutarou was a McCree man through and through. The guy had a BAMF belt buckle and looked like a cowboy, how much cooler could you get?

_No_ much cooler, was the answer. McCree was the coolest.

This game, however, was not the coolest at all. Koutarou kept fucking up, and his team had _two_ Bastions in it, despite him spamming the chat for them to switch their hero, and they kept dying all the time. Their objective wasn't being completed, that was for sure, and Koutarou was two seconds away from quitting the game altogether when one of the Bastions disconnected. Koutarou sighed. He may be many things, but he tried to be a team player, and he couldn't leave the sole Bastion and Mercy behind. Nobody deserved that.

He took cover behind a corner, trying to shoot the opposing team as they approached the payload, but an enemy Genji was sneaking up on him - just before he shot him, a wall of ice raised up to protect Koutarou's character, and he physically blinked in surprise. In the place of the Bastion, someone new had connected, and they were playing Mei. Not only were they playing Mei, but they were _good_ at it, and although the payload was impossible to save, the loss didn't end up as embarrassing as it could've been.

"Good game," Koutarou said into the mic as _YOUR TEAM LOST_ blazed on his screen. He was only being half-sarcastic, because that Mei had pulled them out of some deep shit, and they deserved POTG.

"John, you suck," came a reply, and Koutarou let out an offended squawk.

"What?"

"I said - John, you suck at this game." The voice sounded a little familiar. Koutarou looked at the list of users, paling in dread when he saw - _Blackcat Mei._

"Are you stalking me!?"

Blackcat laughed. "What? No, this is just a coincidence," he said. "A weird one, but definitely a coincidence."

Koutarou swallowed, eyes flitting over the screen. "What the..."

"Don't mind," Blackcat said, amused. "I think I can hear your brain working from here."

Koutarou pulled a face, taking a deep breath. "You're a good player," he said, instead of responding to the taunt. "If I host a game, will you join it?"

"And save your sad cowboy ass again?" Blackcat asked.

"Hey, I was just unlucky, okay, we all have bad games - I'll show you, I can play this damn game - "

Blackcat laughed. "Yeah, John. I'll join you."

_Blackcat#21932 has sent you a friend request,_ Battle.net told him. Koutarou accepted it begrudgingly. "I'll show you I'm a good player," he said.

Blackcat laughed again. It was a very nice laugh. Koutarou hated him.

*

They ended up playing half a dozen matches. Blackcat was good at a lot of heroes, and would switch if he needed to - he made an awesome Widowmaker too - but Mei seemed to be his favourite, the one he defaulted to if the team wasn't lacking anything. Koutarou got one or two really good shots in, and even got play of the game once or twice, but it mostly went to Blackcat... or a random Bastion, as per usual.

"You're not that terrible," Blackcat said thoughtfully as they were waiting for a new game to fill up. They'd both agreed it would be their last one, although Koutarou was way too hyped up to sleep anytime soon. "Just... I don't think McCree is the hero for you, man."

"Shut up," Koutarou said. "He's awesome."

"He is awesome," Blackcat agreed. "You should try someone else, though... what about Reaper?"

_"Never,"_ Koutarou said, mentally brushing his memories of running through level 1 through 20 while solely playing Reaper. Those days were behind him. You couldn’t main Reaper while your battle tag was JohnDarksoul. That was just asking for harassment.

Blackcat sighed. He sounded like he was smiling. He kind of sounded like he was smiling all the time, but not in a creepy way, just a... nice way. And he had a nice voice.

Koutarou really could not stand him, Blackcat and his decent D&D skills and amazing Overwatch skills and nice voice - but then the game filled up and the timer went, and he was too busy spamming keys to think anymore about Blackcat's nice voice.

*

That wasn't the end of it, though. Of course it wasn't, because Koutarou's life was sad and miserable and he was doomed to an eternity of hopeless crushes. He kept thinking of Blackcat during lectures, and hoping he'd queue into him by accident again, despite Battle.net repeatedly telling him Blackcat was offline. Even when he was online, he would play Hearthstone or Heroes of the Storm (which... who the hell played Heroes of the Storm?), and Koutarou was left to scrape by in matches without him.

After half a week, on Sunday, he cracked.

**hey** **,** he sent Blackcat, who was idling.

After seven long, agonizing seconds, Blackcat replied. **Hey**

**ovw?** Koutarou asked, heart in his throat.

**Sure ;)** , Blackcat replied. **Did u get any better yet?**

**actually i take it back fuck u**

**LOL. I’m opening it now hold on**

_Blackcat has invited you to a game._

Koutarou cleared his throat and cracked his neck before clicking ‘accept’. This time, he’d show Blackcat who was boss.

*

After that, it wasn't quite a daily thing, but almost. Koutarou made sure he was always signed into Battle.net if he was at home, even if he couldn't play - technically he _could_ add Blackcat on Discord, but that felt too personal. It felt too much like he'd be blurring the lines, and he was already starting to lose his grip on the concept of separation the three parts of himself.

But even though Blackcat was the cat, Koutarou was damn curious - too curious for his own good. “Do you live in Tokyo?” he asked one night, when they were just the two of them, voice channel on and lingering on the _REMATCH - SAVE PLAY?_ screen.

“Yeah,” Blackcat said, sounding surprised. “Why do you wanna know?”

“No reason,” Koutarou said quickly. “Just curious. Me too.”

“Really? Cool,” Blackcat said. “Maybe we should meet up some time.”

“Mm,” Koutarou said, a little strangled. “Anyway, uh, I have to go - dinner - I'll see you around, dude! Good game!”

“Good game,” Blackcat replied, laughing, and the sound of it stayed within Koutarou's head the whole night long.

*

“The flesh-eating ooze throws itself at you - what’s your armour class again, Rune?”

Koutarou shifted. “18.”

“That’s a hit,” DFD said mildly. “You take.. Twenty six points of acid damage.”

“Twenty six?” Koutarou winced, subtracting the numbers from his HP total. “Guys, I’m getting pretty damn low over here…”

“Don’t worry,” Blackcat said smoothly. “It’s my turn, right?”

“Yes,” DFD said.

“I move next to Rune, and as a free action, I say - hey, you’re looking a little rough for wear.”

“Sweatlana,” Snowy said patiently. “You don’t have to state what’s a free action.”

Koutarou laughed. “It’s kinda cute, though,” he said. “That - I mean. Sweatlana is… cute.”

Luckily, no one paid him any mind. “And then I’m going to shoot the ooze with my crossbow, and that’s… a 16 plus 4, so 20.”

“That hits,” DFD said. “Roll damage.”

“Right,” Blackcat said, falling quiet as he fiddled with the Roll20 website layout. Koutarou watched his antics in the chat fondly. This was only his second session, but he’d been catching up really well. Sweatlana wasn’t proving totally useless in her third fight, and DFD had jimmied the system a little so she was climbing up the levels faster than any of them had - which only made sense, since she was fighting tougher monsters. “Okay, that’s… 7.”

“That’s not bad!” Koutarou said. “I say, nice job! And give her a pat on the arm.”

“I pat Rune back,” Blackcat interjected just as DFD was about to start talking. “And I smile at him.”

“That’s sweet,” DFD said dryly. “Next…”

“Hey,” Koutarou said after the session. DFD, Katiana and Hastings had left, citing different work they had to do, leaving Snowy, Koutarou and Blackcat in the Discord channel. “You guys wanna play some Overwatch?”

“Sure,” Snowy said, surprised. “Do you play, Sweatlana?”

“I do,” Blackcat said. “And way better than John over here. I actually know how to use my Ult, for one.”

“Hey, shut up! You nasty man…”

Snowy laughed. “I can only play for a little while,” she said. “I have to walk my dog later.”

“You have a dog?” Blackcat asked.

“Yes,” Snowy said. “She’s a Spitz, her name is Snow White. That’s where my handle comes from, I wanted us to match! Do you have a cat?”

“No,” Blackcat said. “It’s kind of an inside joke. A bad one. I do like cats, though.”

“Hey,” Koutarou interrupted, suddenly irritable. “Are we playing or not? I’ve set up the game.”

“Right, right,” Blackcat said. Snowy was quiet, but after a few seconds Koutarou’s computer pinged with a message from her.

**jealous? u’ve changed ur tune :)**

**STFU!!!!!!!!** Koutarou sent back, angrily typing out each exclamation mark, before closing Discord entirely. He had Blackcat on Battle.net, anyway.

*

_Blackcat#12842 has sent you a contact request._

The message came out of the blue, popping up late on Monday night. They hadn’t even spoken that weekend, because Koutarou had been busy with a match - which they won, by the way, so he was already one step closer to winning volleyball forever - and Blackcat had, presumably, also had a life outside playing Overwatch with weird acquaintances.

But now he’d sent this request.

Koutarou’s mouse lingered over the accept button. It wasn’t weird - he had everyone else from their D&D sessions added as a contact, because it just made sense, but Blackcat felt like… more than that. Although that probably wasn’t what Blackcat had intended, Koutarou was probably reading into it and being a little creepy to boot, and honestly, this was too much thought for _anything_ -

He clicked accept.

**Hey,**  Blackcat sent immediately. Koutarou blinked.

**hey**

**Voice? We can play Overwatch**

**kk**

“Hey,” Blackcat said when Koutarou joined the voice chat.

“Hey,” Koutarou said. Again. Completely redundantly.

“Were you busy this weekend? I didn't see you around.”

“Yeah. Uh… I had - university. Stuff.”

“I see,” Blackcat said. “University is pretty heavy, huh? I'm in my first year, and it demands a lot. This is basically the only hobby I have left.”

Koutarou laughed. “Same,” he said. “I'm in my first year too, actually.”

“No shit! At Toudai?”

“Yeah…” Koutarou trailed off, clearing his throat. _Separation,_ he reminded himself firmly. “Are we gonna play or what?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Blackcat said, amused. “Speaking of - I have a challenge for you.”

“A challenge? What is it?”

“Play a different hero each match we play today,” he said. “And I'm banning McCree.”

“No! Why!”

“You need to extend your repertoire,” Blackcat said, as if Koutarou knew what _repertoire_ meant. “Just give it a try, okay? I'm betting you haven't even tried them all.”

“That doesn't matter… I know which one is my favourite.”

“Please?” Blackcat said. Koutarou bit his tongue and tried to ignore the way his heart beat a little faster in his chest.

“Okay, fine. Just for today!”

“You're so sweet to me, John,” Blackcat said smoothly, and for a moment, Koutarou wished Blackcat knew his real name. It would be something else entirely to hear his own name through his headset, in Blackcat’s nice, relaxing voice…

On second thought, it was good that Blackcat didn't know it. It would get distracting.

“Let's just play already!”

“But the foreplay is the best part,” Blackcat said.

Koutarou squeaked.

Blackcat laughed. “What was that noise! Did you make that?”

“No!” His face was hot, and Koutarou tugged at the collar of his t-shirt. “Just - start the game, man, stop being weird.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Blackcat said. Secretly, Koutarou kind of hoped he wasn't.

After a couple of games - ones Koutarou had mostly destroyed, in the bad way, by playing Lucio and Tracer - he tried D.va. “Holy shit,” he said. “This is awesome!”

“Shut up, stop spamming voice chat,” the guy playing Genji said.

“He only said one thing,” Blackcat said. “Chill, maybe?”

“Why don't you chill, fucking pussy - “

“What the hell, why are you calling him a pussy?” Koutarou demanded. “He's better than you! Not that that would take much!”

“Jeez, did I queue into a couple of girlfriends or some shit -”

And, well, Koutarou muted him after that. He'd ruined two computers by getting too angry while gaming, and this one was Alienware.

“Hey, I got play of the game?” he said, staring at the screen.

“Yeah,” Blackcat replied. They'd done a quick switch over to Discord. “You didn't tell me you're good at D.va.”

“I am?”

Blackcat laughed. “Stop fishing.”

“I'm not fishing! I'm genuinely asking!”

“Sure,” Blackcat said, amused. “I love genuinely asking in lakes.”

“What?”

“Because… fishing? Nevermind.”

Koutarou laughed. “You're weird, man.”

“No weirder than you,” Blackcat said. “Lucky for you, I like it.”

“I like it too,” Koutarou said, smiling. His face was red again. He didn't know if Blackcat if was flirting, or if Koutarou was flirting back, and later it would probably keep him up, but right now it was enough to know that it might be happening.

It was enough to have the hope.

*

So it came to be that Koutarou spent an hour or two every day talking to Blackcat, either playing games together or just chatting. Blackcat even got him to download Hearthstone, but Koutarou gave up after half an hour - the only fun thing about it was being able to spectate Blackcat’s games and listen to him talk shit about the opponent’s plays.

On a Thursday, when they were in the middle of a match, Akaashi called. “Shit, guys, AFK,” Koutarou told the voice chat, pulling off his headset. “Hello?”

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said on the other line. He sounded just like always, even though it had been weeks since they last spoke - for no good reason, either, just… they were both busy, and Koutarou hadn't really managed to keep in touch with anyone from high school. “How are you?”

“In the middle of something,” Koutarou said, “but what's up?”

“I'll keep it brief, then,” Akaashi said. “Fukurodani is playing Nekoma in a month. I thought you might like to come. You said you'd make sure my captainship skills were up to par.”

“In a month? Hell yeah! I'll totally - like, I'll make time, for sure, thank you for telling me! I - I gotta go, but text me where and when and stuff? Is - do you know if Kuroo’s going to be there?”

“Kuroo-san?” Akaashi asked, thoughtful. “I don't think so… he graduated with you, after all. But I can ask Kozume.”

“Don't worry about it,” Koutarou said immediately. “Definitely don't bother Kenma or anything, I was just wondering. OK, speak to you soon, bye!”

He hung up and returned to the game, deep in thought. Of course Kuroo wouldn't be there, Akaashi was right, he'd graduated… but matches against each other was the only place they'd ever met, that and training camps. Kuroo was one of those once in a lifetime-people that Koutarou would see for a minute and remember for a year, but they'd never found the time or place to actually hang out much. Volleyball had been everything, and now… it was too late. Koutarou didn't even know where he was now, much less what he was doing.

“You okay, John?” Blackcat asked, concerned. “You're quiet.”

“Hm? Yeah… ‘m fine. Just really into the game.”

“You're a good D.va,” Blackcat said.

“Thanks,” Koutarou said. It always caught him by surprise when Blackcat was sincere - it was rare, after all, or at least it seemed rare. “You're a good… everything.”

Blackcat laughed, and just the sound made some of Koutarou’s bittersweet nostalgia fade. “Thank you.”

*

It was getting colder, the week before the Nekoma met Fukurodani on the court. Absently, while walking outside, Koutarou would wonder about it - he'd wonder if Akaashi made the first year's run in the cold like he used to do, if the first years even needed disciplining at all. If Akaashi was his captain, Koutarou thought, he'd probably just know not to misbehave.

And what about Nekoma? Were they still giving that weird speech that Kuroo always did? Who'd stepped up as captain to fill Kuroo's shoes? Who even _could?_

Koutarou sighed, stepping inside his house and taking off his coat, hat, scarf, gloves and shoes. It really was freezing outside. It was almost Christmas, after all, but other than that it seemed like a perfectly normal Friday… until Koutarou got to his room and opened his computer.

_TRACER CONFIRMED GAY BY BLIZZARD_

_LGBT REPRESENTATION IN VIDEO GAMES TODAY_

_BLIZZARD KILLED MY WIFE_

_HOW TO GET OVW REFUNDED????_

_DIVERSITY AND IDENTITY: WHAT A MAIN CHARACTER IN A MAINSTREAM GAME MEANS FOR THE INDUSTRY_

Everywhere he looked, it was headline after headline after headline, forum thread after forum thread after forum thread. Tracer - _Tracer_ \- was gay. Koutarou saw the panels of her kissing her girlfriend. He saw them again. And again, and again - he couldn't stop looking, because Tracer - _Tracer -_ **_Tracer!_ ** \- was gay.

Tracer was gay.

Holy _shit,_ Tracer was gay.

Koutarou started laughing, immediately putting on his headset and calling Blackcat, who was idling. “Dude! Are you there, did you see?”

“Hey,” Blackcat said smoothly. “Did I see? About Tracer?”

“Yeah!” Koutarou was grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. “Wild, right!? What do you think?”

“I think it’s good,” Blackcat said slowly, after a pause. “They’ve got a diverse range of heroes in terms of ethnicity and cultures, so I think it’s good that they’re thinking outside the box with sexuality too.”

“Yeah! Yeah.”

“What… do you think about it?”

“I think it’s _awesome!_ Hell, yeah, get that puss, Tracer!”

Blackcat cackled. “John…!”

“I’m serious!” Koutarou said, laughing too. “She’s fuckin’ - she _went_ for it, she’s awesome! I love her!”

“Well, she can’t love you back,” Blackcat said, “I think I’ve seen about fifty posts complaining about it.”

“I don’t love her like that, though,” Koutarou said, “I couldn’t.” He blinked. “I - uh - I mean, just because - well, we’re like - I’m kinda - I’m the same, maybe.”

“You’re the same?” Blackcat repeated softly.

Koutarou exhaled in a rush, suddenly realising what he’d said. “Fuck - _fuck -_ I have to go, I’m sorry - we’ll talk - later - bye!”

He hung up and logged off, closing his laptop with a bang and staring up at the ceiling. _Fuck._ What the hell was he doing? Blackcat didn’t need to know that shit. He probably thought Koutarou was weird, now, for keeping it a secret, or for telling him. And there was no way Blackcat would have been flirting with him. That was just some stupid delusion that he’d been humouring, because Blackcat wouldn’t - because he couldn’t - and now Koutarou had ruined it all by saying he was gay.

“Fuck,” he said out loud. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Time to avoid all of that. Forever.

*

He didn't log back onto Discord until that evening, when his computer decided it needed a reboot in the middle of his homework. The program opened automatically, and with it, a notification.

It was a message from Blackcat.

**Hey** , it read. **You seemed a bit freaked out. Idk why but I can guess. Im interested in dudes too… well, in you, to be specific. I thought you were interested back but if youre not, Im really sorry and I didnt mean to make you uncomfortable. If theres anything else stressing you out, I just want you to know Im cool with taking it slow and keeping it online. We dont have to meet up anytime soon or anything like that. I know youre a private dude & I get that**

**Mssg me back when you can** , another one said, sent hours later. Koutarou swallowed, gaze lingering over the words. _In you,_ Blackcat had written. But… who was that? They'd known each other for a while now, two months or so, but Blackcat didn't know _him,_ not really.

But - God, Blackcat liked him. But he didn't know who he was. But he didn't know who Blackcat was either, and he still knew enough to like him, so why couldn't Blackcat like him too? Did Blackcat like him enough to be boyfriends? Would Blackcat be weirded out that Koutarou had never had a boyfriend before, or was that silly? Blackcat was a nerd too, so maybe he'd never had a boyfriend either?

Boyfriends. Koutarou stared at the screen. Boyfriends! Boyfriends? He thought about Blackcat’s laugh. He thought about how talking to him was the highlight of Koutarou’s life, how he made everything easier even without knowing about it.

He was still online.

Koutarou clicked _call._

“Hello?” Blackcat sounded more uncertain than Koutarou had ever heard him.

“Hi,” Koutarou replied, exhaling. “You really - you really mean it?”

“Mean what?” Blackcat asked, guarded.

“Your message!”

“Oh… yeah.”

Koutarou started grinning. “I like you too. I like you too, dude, even though - god, this is, this is _wild -_ so, wait, so will you be my boyfriend?”

“I -” Blackcat laughed. “Yeah, I will.”

“Man! Wow! I don’t… I’m pretty busy, though, you should know, and this is a really bad idea, because I’m always at university or at practice, and I should really be focusing more on school anyway, but, hey, yolo, right - but also _not_ yolo, because I need to do well -”

“John,” Blackcat said. “It’s okay.”

Koutarou exhaled, looking at the screen, at Blackcat’s username and the green dot beside it. “Is it?”

“Yeah. You practice? What do you practice?”

“Uh…” Koutarou blinked, thrown off by the question. What else could you practice? “Volleyball.”

“Hey, really?” Blackcat asked. “I used to play volleyball.”

“Ha. Small world.”

“I know some people on the Toudai team - that’s where you go, right? Do you know Bokuto?”

Koutarou squeaked. “I know him,” he said. “I - anyway, I have to go, but we’re - I’ll be around, um, some other time, I have an essay due and then I have stuff to do on Saturday, but I’ll be around, okay, love you, bye!”

He closed his laptop again, letting out an audible groan and falling back in his chair. His head was spinning. Blackcat knew him? Who the fuck was Blackcat? And who in God’s name let Koutaou open his mouth at any point ever? _Love you?_ Who the fuck was he? Who was anyone? What was happening?

After two minutes and several anxious push-ups, Koutarou calmed down a little. He’d just hung up on his maybe-boyfriend, because his maybe-boyfriend - who he didn’t know at all IRL - knew him both online and offline, and Koutarou had no idea who the hell he was.

He stood back up, looking at his laptop. Blackcat would have to wait until Koutarou had gone through every acquaintance, every team he’d ever played against and every person he’d ever greeted to find out who he was.

*

Between his essay and the overwhelming sense of doom, Koutarou didn’t get far into his list of people before he had to go to the Fukurodani v Nekoma match, as he’d promised Akaashi. It was being held at Fukurodani, so he put on a coat and headed out an hour before it was meant to begin, still trying to go through possible candidates for _Blackcat._ There were some guys from Shiratorizawa in Tokyo, now, could it be any of them? The weird redhead, maybe? He seemed fun, but he wasn’t really Koutarou’s style… and he was such an asshole to play against. But in a good way, too, because playing against good blockers was Koutarou’s favourite thing - it’s why he’d always bothered Kuroo into playing with him whenever he could.

Koutarou was hyped to see Fukurodani play, even though he had a lot on his mind. As he found a place to sit on the bleachers, he could feel the excitement rising both in the air and in himself. It would be the first time he’d seen Fukurodani play since he left - it was time to find out whether Akaashi made the cut as captain, although there wasn’t a doubt in Koutarou’s mind that he did.

The players came out onto the court. Koutarou watched how Akaashi wore his #1 jersey with pride, smiling at the sight, and how the rest of the team followed naturally behind him. Nekoma seemed shorter, a little lacking, without the tall figure of Kuroo leading them, but Kenma was still there, hair still long and unwashed, bleach now only at the tips. Lev was absent, which Koutarou noted only because his height was always kind of a spectacle, and Koutarou was sad he didn’t get to see him next to Kenma.

“Let’s have a good game,” the two teams told each other, bowing, and then it was on.

*

Volleyball always felt special to Koutarou. Watching it didn’t give him the same rush, the same sense of amazement as playing it did, but it was still good - especially when he could watch people he knew, people he’d taught and people he could be proud of. Fukurodani played fucking _excellently,_ just as Koutarou knew they would, and they won 3-1.

Afterwards, he came down to congratulate Akaashi, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “See, I knew you’d be a great captain!”

“Thank you, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said, flushed with exertion and happiness, the way he used to look when they’d gotten a tight spike through.

“First years can’t be giving you too much trouble, if you’re crushing Nekoma like that.”

“No, they’re pretty good,” Akaashi acknowledged. “Speaking of Nekoma, Kozume said Kuroo-san would be here.”

“Kuroo?” Bokuto repeated, blinking, and just as he said it he heard someone call his name across the court, waving insistently. “Holy shit, Kuroo! Give me a sec, Akaashi -”

“Go,” Akaashi said, but Koutarou was already gone, skidding across the court.

“Hi! Kuroo! It’s been a while!”

“Yeah,” Kuroo said, smiling. “How are you? You look good.”

“Thanks! So do you.” He really did - he looked a bit older, in the lines of his face, maybe, or in the way he held himself. It was a good look. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Kuroo said. “I actually have a favour to ask of you.”

“Of me?” Koutarou cocked his head, confused. “Okay, shoot. Anything for an old friend!”

Kuroo’s lips quirked again. “Thanks,” he said. “I’m wondering if you know this guy… he plays volleyball at Toudai, and he said he knew you?”

“Sure,” Koutarou said amicably. “I know pretty much everyone on the team. What’s his name?”

“I… don’t know,” Kuroo said. “That’s the problem. He’s… nerdy, we play Overwatch together, and Dungeons and Dragons. He’s private, so maybe you don’t know him? Although he’s pretty loud.”

“You play Overwatch together…” Koutarou echoed, and then his eyes widened. He stared at Kuroo, speechless.

Kuroo looked back, brows furrowed in confusion. “Yeah? It’s a shooter. You should try it sometime, I think you’d like it.”

“I… I do,” Koutarou said. “I do like it.”

“Okay? That’s good.”

“With my - um, my friend? I don’t know his name, though. But he - we - he…”

“Bokuto,” Kuroo said, “you’re losing me.”

“It’s - it’s - it’s me! I’m John! I’m - oh, shit, Kuroo, I’m so sorry for - for lying to you, but I didn’t know it was _you,_ what the fuck, Blackcat, what the hell kinda nickname is that, of _course_ it’s you, I thought it was some fursona bullshit or something, I thought, what if I was kinda dating a furry, but then it’s _you,_ and that’s - that’s - I’m sorry!”

Kuroo was silent.

“I’m sorry?” Koutarou tried again, wincing when nothing happened other than Kuroo’s eyebrows raising higher and higher, until Koutarou was afraid they’d fall off his face and join the cosmos or something.

“Come with me,” Kuroo said finally, looking around and gesturing for Koutarou to follow.

“Come with you? Hey, this is my old school, you don’t gotta punch me on my old school, and I’m the one who knows my way around anyw--”

Kuroo had pulled him into an empty classroom, close to the gyms, and as the door closed behind them his lips were on Koutarou’s, chapped and firm and _on Koutarou’s,_ and they were kissing, they were _kissing -_

It took a beat before Koutarou was able to reciprocate, slowly relaxing against Kuroo and sucking on his bottom lip, hands trembling where they rested on Kuroo’s hips.

Kuroo pulled away, just enough to speak, voice quiet in the dark, empty classroom. “You’re John.”

Koutarou exhaled, leaning into him. “Yeah. I’m sorry I lied to you.”

Kuroo laughed softly. “I should’ve recognised your voice,” he said. “I don’t know why, I never even considered that it could be you.”

“Me neither,” Koutarou admitted. “I mean - the other way. I’ve been… I was trying to figure out who you were, that’s why I haven’t been online.”

“Left me pretty high and dry,” Kuroo said, gently chastising.

Koutarou winced. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It is?” Koutarou looked up at him. There were blinds in front of the windows, but some fell over Kuroo’s face, and Koutarou could see the soft angle of his brow, the shining lower lip that Koutarou had licked.

“Yeah.” Kuroo exhaled, swaying close to him again. “I’m still a little mad, but… at least it makes for a hell of a get-together story.”

Koutarou laughed, leaning in and burying his face in Kuroo’s neck. “I’m so sorry, man,” he said. “I’m - I’m… I’m really scared.”

“I could tell,” Kuroo said. “Even when I didn’t know, I could tell. It’s okay.”

“You make it feel okay,” Koutarou told Kuroo’s throat quietly. “I like you a lot.”

“I like you a lot too,” Kuroo said. “Always have. Even though you’re loud and annoying.”

Koutarou laughed again, eyes closing. “I always have too, even though you’re even more annoying.”

“We’ll see about that.” Kuroo ruffled Koutarou’s hair, then tugged him away. “We need to go back out, Kenma’s waiting for me.”

“Oh… right, okay,” Koutarou said. “Yeah, that makes sense. But - well, maybe… later… uh. I could come over and… play some Overwatch or something?”

Kuroo laughed, leading Koutarou back out to the court. “Sure,” he said. “That sounds good. Hey, wait.”

Koutarou stopped walking. They were just around the corner to the court, still out of sight, when Kuroo bent slightly and gave him another kiss, short and sweet.

“Merry Christmas,” he said when they parted, and Koutarou started laughing.

“You asshole! Merry Christmas, but I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” Kuroo said cheerfully, starting to walk again.

“I really don’t,” Koutarou agreed, moving to keep up with him and bumping their shoulders together. “I’ll see you on Discord, then, right?”

“Definitely,” Kuroo said. “You can tell me all about how you got into D&D, for starters.”

Koutarou shushed him, looking around. “Not so loudly!” he hissed, and Kuroo laughed.

“Don’t be ashamed,” he said. “I like that you’re a nerd.”

“I don’t,” Koutarou said, although at that moment - he kinda did. Only all of the three Koutarous (the gay one, the nerdy one and the volleyball one) could have made this happen, meeting Kuroo and meeting him again online and getting to date him. Maybe keeping everything separate wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be, if he needed every piece of himself to get what he really wanted.

Well, maybe.

He watched Kuroo head over to where Kenma was waiting. Akaashi came up to him, looking quizzical. “Are you two okay, Bokuto-san?”

“Yeah,” Koutarou said, watching Kuroo smirk at Kenma. “Yeah, we’re great.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on [tumblr](http://tivruskis.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://twitter.com/tivruskis), both as tivruskis! happy new year's, everyone!


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